Today I Cried

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Today I cried in front of my yoga class. A couple times. I shared with my yogis the sudden loss of a friend & teammate just 2 days earlier. I didn’t share much more than that because that’s about all I could get out. These yogis and I have been practicing together for 2 summers now.  These individuals that come together 2 or 3 times a week, trusting me to hold space for them to breathe, and move, and grow.  So today I trusted them back. Like totally put myself out there. And they were right there for me. Breathing, moving, and supporting me with their energy. After class supporting me with their words and hugs. The last three Wednesdays I have been sharing the end of my personal meditation with them. And on this Wednesday we made it to the fourth & final part of my meditation closing. After taking a 10 day Vipassana (silent meditation) course this winter, I began ending my meditation sittings with metta - wishing well for myself, and wishing well for all beings everywhere. At first it was a simple short paragraph, but I kept adding parts to it until it felt complete. Metta resonates with me so easily. Metta is a 'loving-kindness' meditation based on the the knowing that all beings everywhere desire the same for themselves, and in this way we are all connected.  We all want to be happy. We all want to be safe. We all want to be loved and accepted. We all wish to live with more ease, less struggle.

And in sharing my personal practice, and asking these individuals many times a week to make a practice of being honest with themselves, to accept where things are on any given day, to see things as they are - without judgement…. And for me, on this given day, life sure wasn’t all sunshine and flowers.  How could I stand in front of them today and not be truthful about what was? The answer is ‘I couldn’t’. My practice required me to show up fully - authentically, vulnerably. Sadness and all. Because my practice also reassures me that each person in the room has suffered loss and with shared experience comes deep compassion. And surely enough - they waited patiently while I struggled to find my words. They collectively took that extra breath with me while I willed my tears to wait just an extra minute. They quietly listened to my quivering words as the tears did not comply and rolled on down my cheeks anyways. They moved in unison, and their strength helped my voice regain steadiness.  We rose, and breathed, and balanced, and hopefully held thoughts of special-someones-passed in our hearts.  With heightened awareness that our time here is so finite. If all we truly have is the present moment, today I chose to really, presently, feel it.  Riding the wave is admittedly easy when it’s high. Today I chose to ride right on into the low. And I was so grateful to these empathetic souls who buoyed my heart in the depths. 

We live in this crazy, busy, hard world of our own creation. I don’t want to be hard & apart. I don’t want to be so guarded all the time. I want to be real. I want to share truth & light. I want to be trusting. I want to feel connected.  I want to feel alive with all the ups & downs that come with it. I want my experience to be reflected in a diverse palette of colours. Not be painted over in a "socially acceptable" shade of beige. 

We show up to our mat to practice these poses. On a lot of days I show up to my mat to teach & guide people through these poses. Together we practice breathing. Together we narrow our focus; to broaden our minds. Together we find tiny anchors in the present moment. Together we work on accepting what we find on that given day.  We play, and laugh, and sweat, and engage. We move around our limbs, and in doing so we shift around our hearts.  Our physical practice becomes a practice in love, acceptance, and truth.  And in learning to be true to ourselves we can then be true with others. Trusting that we are all in this thing together. 

Thank you to my yogis for your love yesterday. It meant everything to me. Thank you... 

In memory of Howard Harrison 7/12/57 - 8/7/2017


My Metta Meditation

May I be happy
May I be free
May I live a life in peace & harmony with the laws of the universe.

May all beings everywhere be happy
May all beings everywhere be free
May all beings everywhere life a life in peace & harmony with the laws of the universe.

.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .

May I grow love and compassion in my heart
May I share this love and compassion with all those I meet
May I be met with love and compassion in return.

May all beings everywhere grow love and compassion in their hearts
May all beings everywhere share this love and compassion with all those they meet
May all beings everywhere be met with love and compassion in return.

.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .

May I be healthy
May I diligently care for this body, this mind, and this soul
             for they are the vehicles through which I experience this life
May wellness radiate deep from with me.

May all beings everywhere be healthy
May all beings everywhere diligently care for their bodies, their minds, and their souls
              for those are the vehicles through which they experience this life
May wellness radiate deep from within all beings.

.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .

May I fill my life with connected and passionate moments
May I dare to inspire and to be inspired
May I seek the stillness I need to hear the soft voice of my intuition
May I stand firmly, yet fluidly, in my own authenticity.

May all beings everywhere fill their lives with connected and passionate moments
May all beings everywhere dare to inspire and to be inspired
May all beings everywhere see the stillness they need to hear the soft voice of their intuition
May all beings everywhere stand firmly, yet fluidly, in their own authenticity. 

May the thoughts, words, and actions
in my own life contribute in some way to the greater happiness and freedom for all.
Namaste